I've met alot of women who are in their mid 30's lately and who are going through fertility issues. With all the new advances today in holistic medicine (we're learning in acupuncture school how to stimulate points that will allow the body to become more fertile and IVF), you'd think that women wouldn't need help with that kind of thing until their 40's. But its not the way it is. Women in their 30's are needing help with this. I'm 28, almost 29 and I worry sometimes that we're waiting too long to have children. We've talked about it and ultimately it is better for us to wait a little longer before trying, but all these articles like this one really make me start to think about waiting:http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1867/are_you_waiting_too_long_to_have_a_pg2.html?cat=52
or
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/72581/fertility_do_you_know_the_facts.html?cat=52
mentioning "In our Western culture, current trends lead many couples to wait until they’re more established before starting a family. From a career and financial planning stand point this makes a great deal of sense. However this may not always be wise from a biological perspective. Even if couples maintain a healthy diet and active life style, they may discover they are unable to conceive. In fact, one in seven women will discover that they are infertile if they have not had children by the age of 30. (Scott, 2004) "
1 in 7!!?? That is a crazy scary number! I wonder if all this hype over fertility and having children earlier rather than later is just the media or if its the facts coming through about the way we are living today and something we should really be paying attention to. It amazes me how unfit the world seems to be for having children and taking care of them, for example some people have to work two jobs to support even having a family, so in addition to the question of whether a couple wants to have a child or not, there is the added question of which day care to go to, work schedules etc and if that couple will even have time for the baby. In todays world its not just about having a child, it seems its also about paying to raise them. I feel like in my grandparents generation, there wasn't a question about that, the woman stayed home and raised the children until they were older and she would go out and get a job and the husband contributed by working and paying for most of the household things. Thinking in a larger picture, is it better for the couples and, really, the whole human race that both women and men now have careers and can pay for things on their own and financially support themselves (assuming that is the reason there was the waiting in the first place), but may find themselves older unable to have children later in life? And if IVF or other fertilty help is given, what does that mean in the long run for the children? Because fertility drugs are so new, will a child of a women who's had fertility issues and used drugs also have fertility issues as an adult?
i gave birth to my first at 31 and my second at 37 and 1/2. the difference between those 6 years is immense; you just don't have the energy level you once had. having said that i am so glad i waited to have kids b/c i got to live life for ME to the fullest and now have no regrets!
ReplyDeletethats awesome that you waited and are happy with not regrets now with your kiddies!! thanks for your comment:) its nice to know that there is time, sometimes I feel like that biological clock is starting to really tick like a drum.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna have to tackle this in a blog. I'll link to you, of course.
ReplyDeleteI'm 39. I had a miscarriage and fertility problems in my mid 30s. I haven't tried since my divorce but the statistics are there. People want to deny them. Having a FIRST child is harder and harder as you get older. I don't know why there's a difference but statistically there is. I do know that even when I hit 34, they were telling me I might need to go on fertility meds if it took more than a year to conceive. Then there are the risks of Downs syndrome and other things...which are now found to also be related to a man's age as well as a woman's.
I would write about this on MySpace and people would FREAK. They didn't want to hear it. But on MySpace there were a bunch of women in their 30s and 40s still single...over here it's different. But the truth is there...if you get past a certain age and haven't had kids, your thoughts seem to change on it. You start to realize how much work goes into it and ask yourself, "Do I really want to start with a baby at this age?"
Thanks for your honest comment Stephanie. I could understand why people would get upset about writing about this on myspace, I agree it is a bit of a different crowd (I'm so happy I found blogspot!). I'm so sorry that you had a miscarriage and fertility problems, that must be very difficult to deal with. The question you ask does make a lot of sense, I don't know that if I were in my late 30's I would want to have a baby, it is just a lot of work (or so everyone tells me). With that said, I do think it can be done. My aunt is a good example, she was 42 when she had my little cousin (with help of course) and she works full time (then and now) and my cousin (who is very healthy and smart) has been in day care (a very good one cause they have the money because they both work) but with my cousin getting older and her turning 50, she's talked about leaving work. I imagine it is just a more difficult time having a child later...isn't that odd though? I feel like my whole life people have been telling me to wait to have a child, wait until I go to school, have a good job etc and now, it seems to wait has made things also more difficult.
ReplyDeleteps stephanie i would love it if you blogged on this!!
ReplyDeleteWe had our babies early not because of fertility, but because we wanted to still be fairly young when the kids moved out.
ReplyDeleteOf course my son was a total surprise though. My daughter was planned when I was 24.
im with WWriter, earlier is better, i dont have the energy for babies now and im 37.
ReplyDeleteI always wanted to have a baby young, however if I could have done it different I probably would have wait till I was older and more stable to have my son. I don't regret it, but things probably would have been a lot easier. I'm 31 and am thinking a few more years and I'll probably try to have another.
ReplyDeleteThe blog world is full of a lot of people who are having fertility issues. Try not to think about it and if you feel you need to wait, than wait.
I believe our lives are already mapped out for us and what is meant to be will be. Try not to worry or think about it!
I'm one of those women struggling with infertility.
ReplyDeleteI've been trying for 3 years and each year I get closer to 30 and dreading it!
Such a great post.
Thanks for stopping by my blog =]
You've got yourself a new follower.
I could never have had children in my 20's - I just simply was not ready! I had my 1st child at age 34. I was financially secure and emotionally ready and feel that I am a better mom than I would have been in my 20's. I had my 2nd child at age 35 and my 3rd at age 38. I had ZERO trouble conceiving, but did suffer through 3 miscarriages b/t #2 & #3. We have been trying to get pregnant again for almost 2 years now and have had zero luck. We even visited a fertility specialist who stated to me that there is no medical reason why I am not getting pregnant. "unexplained Infertility". This is a topic that is so central to women and so personal! Great post
ReplyDeletetiarastantrums.com
tough subject. very tough. it's hard to form a solid opinion.
ReplyDeletethe way i see it is yes, we are NOT living like our grandparents were living. the world was more simple back then. today things are extremely complicated. i agree with you, there are some people that should NOT be having children. it comes down to being responsible...sleeping around and having 4 kids from 3 different fathers and living off the government seems to be the way to go for some. i wouldn't hold that against the few of us that were in fact young (and "not ready" in the eyes of some media)when we had our babies.
my husband wanted to wait until we were financially ready. the reality is, you will NEVER be financially ready for a baby. it's different for everyone, but you never know what can happen. ya know? everything works out in the end and everything happens for a reason.
i say go by your heart. your heart will tell you when it's the right time. you will JUST KNOW. :)
I had my kids at 29 and 32. I don't know if I could have kept them alive and remained sane if I'd had them much earlier that that. (I barely stayed sane anyway.) I'm 39 now and I just don't think I could handle the newborn stuff right now.
ReplyDeleteThe difficult thing about a subject like this is that everyone is inclined to defend whatever decision they made. Defend not having children till they were older, defend having children young- whatever. At the end of the day though I do think it just comes down to science. After 35 you are statistically more likely to have trouble conceiving because that's when fertility starts to decrease in woman. Also if you get pregnant after that, you are in for more testing during your pregnancy due to birth defect concerns.But if your willing to deal with that reality I don't see a problem with waiting. There are a lot of good reasons to wait.
ReplyDeleteThat said, sometimes I think women wait because they don't really want kids. They don't feel called to be a mom, and they wait for that urge to kick in, and it doesn't for some. It's a shame when woman have babies too young, because they don't think about the consequences of their actions. But in my opinion it's equally wrong for older woman to have children- just because it's "that" time.
If you feel passionately about being a parent, and you feel called to have a child, I think your likely to be a great mom at whatever age you choose to do it. You'll be willing to make the sacrifices a baby requires because you love what your doing. But if you are not sure- maybe you should consider the idea that you waited to have kids because it wasn't the right thing for you. And maybe that's ok too.
I hope it all works out exactly the way you want it to. Thanks for stopping by on my SITS feature day!
ReplyDeleteI read Stephanie's take this morning, and thought it was great, as yours is, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm like you - I'm 27 and sometimes think I'm waiting too long. I know that I am ready emotionally and almost financially (and after helping raise my niece who turns 1 next week), but my boyfriend of 2 years is a few years younger and he's just not ready yet. I get nervous that if we wait much longer until he's emotionally ready (if he gets to the point where he admits he is!), that physically, I won't be able to concieve without issue.
From time to time I wonder why I waited 'til my 30's to have kids. But I know I was a tad shaky in my 20's, so the wait was probably worth it. I've got 2 awesome gals, and if they'd been raised by an immature twit, that might not have been the case...
ReplyDeletethese are my fears! i am the same age. ugh. good luck with whatever you decide :)
ReplyDeleteI started to read your blog, and then I read the 1/7 part by age 30 and I'll be 30 in 20 days and frankly I cant read anymore. I'm sorry lady you might have totally sageful things to say on this topic but my emotions and brain have aborted.
ReplyDeletePS love you,, but in my 'i sort of believe in the secret where it applies to me since you introduced it to me years ago..... the secret tells me to focus on the positive so 6/7 chance i wont be infertile.. .. WHOOOHOOOH 86% I'll take it!
D
Thanks for stopping by on my SITS day..
ReplyDeleteYour pits name is so unique! Aren't they just the best dogs!
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I love what Shannon wrote and completely agree. I especially love how she said that only those who are called to have a baby should do so - and when they are called. I, personally, do not feel called to have kids. Now don't get me wrong, I love and adore kids, but I do not feel called to raise a child. I actually feel a bit relieved, at 32, that it won't be long before I won't be able to conceive (if I even could now) and that reinforces to me that I really shouldn't bring a baby into this world...or even try to, when I know it's not for me. My husband and I discussed this at length before we got married and we're on the same page. I know this is not popular opinion and I hope that my feelings on this are respected as much as they would be if I wanted to be a mom. It's a personal choice, and I am grateful for good people like you bringing kids into the world and providing them with good lives. Raising kids is simply not the right choice for me.
ReplyDeleteI always pictured myself as a stay-at-home mom with a pet for each child--it didn't happen. Not only am I not a stay-at-home mom, but am only a mom to two cats and a dog--no children. I'm happy though and enjoy teaching other people's children in Sunday School and AWANA clubs at church and being a youth leader for about 10 years or so.
ReplyDeleteVisiting from SITS. Merry Christmas!
I had infertility issues in my late 20's , secondary infertility in my early 30's and gave up trying for a third. My mom had 4 kids by the time she was 23 and me at 33. I think we are waiting too long, but perhaps it is what fits our lifesyles. Hmmm
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