Thursday, January 21, 2010

Did Cindarella get married?

I've been talking to a friend or so of mine who has recently married within the past year, and while she and I were just venting over some frustrations, I thought to myself about marriage and how/if that changes a relationship. I thought about when Martin and I were first married and if in the first year I had frustrations that have now sort of waned, and if they were just frustrations of my own, between my fantasy of what I had thought marriage was, like from when I was younger etc, and what it actually was at the present moment being married. As a younger person, (like my cousin who is upsessed with princesses), I started to develop this picture of what I thought marriage would be like, and it turned into this sort of Cindarella fantasy land (very far away from the divorced marriage from my parents I had grown up with), where things would be perfect after I got married. It became like this curtain, and after I got married I would pass the curtain and life would make sense and everything would fall into place. Well, thats happened in the way that finding my soulmate and partner for life now makes sense and fell into place, but everything else, not exactly. There are still money worries and issues, theres still work to go to, theres still working on being/staying healthy, there is still school to go to, there are still family obligations, there is still family planning and while its comforting and wonderful to be able to now live these things together, they still at times become frustrations. Some of my friends going through first year marriages are working on things like buying a house with not enough monies, wanting to go on vacations but can't because of work or monies, family planning, frustrations with money (money seems to be a big part of issues) and all the other things I've listed above.  I'm guessing the frustrations are coming from this place during wedding time, when everything is bright and beautiful and exciting and the worries fade away, and the idea of Cindarella dancing the night away in a white dress is actually going to happen. Do you remember going through any of these frustrations your first year of marriage?

The more I think about it, the more a wedding seems to be this great big white beautiful horse that whisks you away into the sunset and what we are left with is our forever priceless love for eachother, a 20,000 wedding bill, laundry and dirty dishes. While I would never change that, I wonder sometimes, if girls weren't fed all this fairytale Cindarella/princess stories, would we have more of a realistic idea of marriage and be able to forego these first year frustrations? What do you think?


  1. Hey Nik, good questions. I don't personally see Fairytales as the problem. But I do think that at some point people stopped learning what fairytales are- they are stories that are symbolic- full of archetypes that help us as humans work out our feelings and emotions. They are not however - a promise of the future:)

    I think chiuldren and adults alike need a symbolic language of the soul- and fairytales do see to that need in a very profound and deep way. Also, most fairytales do teach some wonderful lessons that can be taken literally as well. I mean Cinderella worked really hard every day for a boss who treated her like crap! But she kept a good attitude, was friendly to the little people (read- mice), and she fell in love with a guy who could see past outward appearances:)

    Marriage isn't a fix, and it is hard. But if it's something you feel called towards- you can enjoy life so much more when you share your heart with someone else. Just my two cents:)

  2. thanks Shan! That was very well put and I agree that it is nice to have that "symbolic language of the soul" and the stories do give nice lessons:) I think the problem is using real person characters in the story, it would be so much easier to remember that they are not real if the characters were mice or bears! I remember when I was younger reading Bernstein Bears, they had the best lessons in each story and I never wanted to live in a tree...well actually thats a lie, I did try it once but too many bugs!! hehe:)

  3. I think you have such a valid point. We all grow up waiting not so patiently to get married and have children. Looking back I really wish I would have taken my live on my own, to travel more, to finish school. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret anything, but I always wonder what that would have been like to have my own place, etc. I think all those lovey-dovey movies play a huge role, too. Some people really don't get it that it's just a movie and real life isn't that easy {or that}

    marriage is hard some days!

    happy thursday! :)

  4. oo thats true!! I didn't think about the romantic movies that probably also contribute:) thanks happy thursday to you too!!

  5. NIkki,
    Clearly I'm not married so I can't comment on the 'after the first year'.

    But I suspect everything in life is about expectations. If you expect it to be perfect and never wax/wane then your setting yourself up for disaster. If you expect nothing then you might not open the door on something great.

    I think Cinderella is a lot like Bring your Daughter to work day... its one of those things that try to give you a glimpse at what could be but not necessarily what will be. Its a lesson in the big picture that is yet to come. A moment.. not a lifetime.

    When your a kid you need to know what is possible. You need to believe in love and faith and becoming the next president or even what one is. You need to be able to imagine the dreams of things yet to come.

    I think its one of the MAJOR problems with lower income areas both urban and especially rural. If you never see anything beyond what you have/own/known then you cannot reach with your mind you cannot reach with your hands. Its why literacy is so important, it allows people to be a part of nuggets of others' lives fictional or otherwise when life starts getting tougher (aka when they have to struggle to pay their own bills or their parents cant),,,they don't have any thing to reach for.

    I like Cinderella,, it made me believe in love even when my head wasnt quite on board.

    But I would like to learn more 'in the first year of marriage nuggets!'

  6. All I want is for my husband to be clean. That's it.

    Marriage can be difficult. The first year I swore we'd never make it.

  7. Agreed!!! I think girls today are being led to believe they are some sort of princesses, and deserve to be treated as such. Marriage is hard, hard work. And it is work. You work at continuing to be good at your job, your health, why not your marriage. Never think it will be easy. maybe you are right and women should step down to reality and know they are lucky to be in a RELATIONSHIP- where both sides work!!


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